Managing Your Parental Expectations

As parents, we often have high hopes or ambitious goals for our kids. You might even be thinking, “I just want my child to be a successful, independent, contributing member of society.”

But isn’t that, in itself, a lofty goal? While it’s a wonderful aspiration, it’s also a significant one. For a child to grow into a self-sufficient, contributing adult, they need to develop a range of skills and qualities over time. It’s a big journey, and one that doesn’t happen overnight. If that idea resonates, then this message is for you.

Parenting often involves stepping in to correct our children or guide them to do things “the right way.” This is something I’ve grappled with myself over the years. While our intentions are good, this approach can sometimes overshadow the person our child is in that moment. In our efforts to guide them toward success, we may unintentionally stifle their growth and independence.

I remember feeling a similar pressure in my own life. My father once told me, “I’ll know I’ve succeeded if you become a better man than I am.” While some might find that endearing, as a teenager, I found it overwhelming. How was I supposed to “surpass” my father—a man with years of experience, achievements, and wisdom? Trying to live up to this ideal only confirmed my existing self-doubt and uncertainty as I tried to find my own path.

Looking back, I know that my father’s words came from love. But I also see that our children need the freedom to become their own people. When we focus solely on the person we want them to be in the future, we miss the unique, developing person standing before us right now.

So, what does this mean for your own expectations as a parent? Dreams and goals for your kids are valuable, but they’re rooted in the future, while your child lives in the present. If we focus too much on preparing them for “someday,” we risk adding unnecessary pressure and missing opportunities to connect with them in the here and now. Teaching a skill, for instance, can be as much about sharing a moment together as it is about preparing them for the future. Instead of teaching a child to cook solely to ensure they can feed themselves later, teach them how to cook so they can enjoy a meal with you tonight. When we teach our children for today rather than for a distant future, we give them confidence and tools they can use now. This may not radically change the action on paper, but it can change the interaction in real life.

Parenting isn’t about grand speeches or perfect guidance. It’s about being present in your child’s life, showing them how to live by example. When we model being present in the moment—engaging with people around us, tackling tasks at hand, and navigating life with wisdom and perspective—we children resilience and resourcefulness. By letting go of “what-ifs” that may never happen, we can help them see life for what it is, rather than what might go wrong.

So, next time your child expresses curiosity or wants to try something new, try not to overburden them with details or fears. Children are naturally curious, resilient, and adaptable. Sometimes, in our well-meaning attempts to keep them safe, we unintentionally replace their excitement for life with our anxiety.

Set boundaries where necessary. Guide them to learn from their mistakes. Let them fall and find their way. Above all, give them the freedom to learn not just from you but from their own experiences.

Parenting is a journey of learning as much as teaching. If you’re looking for support in finding balance or managing these expectations, know that help is available. Reach out to explore how to nurture both your child’s growth and your own.